the self-compassion of the desert
I’m just back home from a week at the Santa Fe campus of the Modern Elder Academy, and my heavens, what a magical place it is.
The Modern Elder Academy claims itself to be the world’s first midlife wisdom school. Founded by boutique hotelier Chip Conley, MEA offers groundbreaking workshops, led by some of the world’s leading scholars and experts in midlife, to help participants and guests find the clarity, purpose and fulfillment they crave.
I was so honoured to be invited as the faculty instructor for a workshop based on my book, Radiant Rebellion. My dear friend Laura Mayes came with me for moral support, and for five days Chip and I facilitated a workshop for some of the most openhearted, courageous folks who came from all over the country.
Interspersed between workshop sessions, there were hikes in the wild countryside. There were yoga sessions and sound baths led by a twinkly-eyed cowboy-yogi (yes, this is a thing!). There was a doctor-ceramicist (yes, this is a thing!) who was by my side to help ensure that every attendee was cared for throughout the week (and honestly, having him with me felt like having a supportive hand on my back). And the week ended with an al fresco dinner, complete with a facilities-manager-guitarist (yes, this is a thing!) playing beautiful music to accompany a magical sunset. The rooms were spectacular, the food was nourishingly delicious — it was just lovely.
It is an indulgence, of course, to spend time away from your day-to-day life, especially in a place as beautiful as the desert surrounding Santa Fe. And more than one guest mentioned that it was hard to imagine how to take the rest and self-care they were practicing at MEA and integrate it into their lives at home. But here’s the thing: self-compassion shouldn’t require indulgence. In fact, I’d argue that self-compassion — checking in with yourself, giving yourself grace, and treating yourself with kindness — shouldn’t cost a penny. The way I figure it, the trick to practicing self-compassion is remembering that we are of nature, and nature is all about cycles: seasons come and go, the moon waxes and wanes, tides rise and fall. The secret to life is finding our own rhythm and our own cadence, moving between focusing on our outer worlds and our inner health. In other words, sometimes we go hard and take care of business, but equally important, sometimes we practice self-compassion, through rest, nourishment and self-care. And we do this in cadence: we take care of who and what we need to … we check in with ourselves … we rest … we check in with ourselves … we focus again on our responsibilities … and so on. Lather, rinse, repeat.
And this, ultimately, is what I wish for all of us this week, especially since we’re celebrating Labor Day here in the United States: that we practice self-compassion, and find our cadence. May we check in with ourselves. Give ourselves grace. And then, make our next moves in self-kindness. And then do it all over, again, and again, and again.
Have a great week, my friends.
a reminder of cadence.