When I interviewed my friend, pro-aging activist Ashton Applewhite, for Radiant Rebellion*, she taught me something that revealed my own internalized ageism, and changed the way I speak about myself forevermore. “You have to be careful about how you use the words ‘young’ and ‘old,’” she said. “Saying things like “I don’t feel old,” is really problematic.”

At first, I didn’t get it. “I say ‘I don’t feel old’ all the time,” I said.

“Yes, but what do people mean when they say that?” she asked. “They might really mean, ‘I don’t feel tired,’ or ‘I don’t feel unsexy,’ or ‘I don’t feel invisible.’ And I don’t know about you, but there were times when I felt tired, unsexy, and invisible when I was a teenager. Those aren’t age-related words.”

[insert head exploding here]

Ageism is insidious. And we need to watch how we express how we feel — you know, so we don’t spread it.

One of my favourite things about living in Houston is when the redbuds start to blossom. Every year, they lose all their blossoms and leaves, and you think they might be dead — and yet every year, tiny pink flowers appear, even before the leaves. This year, Houston experienced some pretty mean cold snaps, and I was afraid our tiny redbuds in our gardens wouldn’t make it, but this morning, there they were, pink buds just beginning to show, almost as if it were a brand new plant.

Kind of like people, honestly. I remembered that around my last birthday, someone asked me what it feels like to be 55. And honestly, for a moment, I was flummoxed. “I don’t know, I’ve never been 55 before,” I grinned. “I’ll keep you posted.” I’m now about 7 months into being 55, and I feel like I’m just about getting the hang of it. Of course, by the time I feel like an expert, another birthday will come around, and I’ll be starting all over again.

I think that’s the reason that birthdays always feel brand new — because it’s your first time being that age, and there’s no telling what you’re going to make of it. So maybe instead of saying “I don’t feel old,” it would be way more accurate to say, “I feel brand new.”

* Just a reminder that Radiant Rebellion is currently available for preorder, wherever you enjoy buying your books. Come join the radiant rebellion with me — I promise, it’ll make you feel so good about your future, no matter what age you are.

RELATED POSTS: