chestnuts roasting on an open fire ... black lung rolling 'cross the floor ...

In a nasty turn of events, I seem to have contracted some horrible sort of affliction that has me very close to coughing up my spleen.

I think I have consumption.  That has a very Christmas-Carol-Dickensian ring to it, don't you think?

Consumption.

(What's consumption?)

Update:  On your recommendations, I just had two slices of toast with a clove of crushed garlic on each of them.  I still have consumption, but I can pretty much guarantee there isn't a vampire within 20 miles of my house.