an act of personal resistance (38/100)
Left: January 2, 2019; Right: August 30, 2020.
On January 2, 2019, I glanced at myself in the mirror, and thought, good LORD, I've aged.
And then I REALLY looked at myself.
The truth was that I couldn't see an increase in wrinkles, or appreciably more grey hair. But my skin looked sallow, and my eyes looked tired. I realized that it wasn't age. It was stress.
Three weeks earlier we'd moved into our home, finally rebuilt after losing it to Hurricane Harvey. Undeniably, 2017 and 2018 were tough years for our family. In fact, I can look at photos of myself without any other context and tell which are Before Harvey pictures and which are After Harvey. It shows on my face. So I wondered: what if you could reverse the effects of stress? I decided to see if I could do just that, and snapped a before pic (shown above on the left).
Since then, I've really paid attention to myself —literally, how I feel and what my body tells me at any given moment. I haven't dieted (because worrying about my weight and restricting food I love are things I find deeply stressful … which is sort of the opposite of the point of this experiment). But I've drunk a ton more water. I've moved more. I've cut down on alcohol. I've refused to compromise on sleep. And I decided to take the learnings from Stasia’s Style School, an online course I’d taken a few months earlier, to heart: dressing every day for how I wanted to feel, instead of how I thought I should look. (It turns out that hiding behind wearing black every day had been having an effect on my mood -- who knew?)
Now, let me be clear: since I made that pact to myself that January morning, our family certainly still has had our share of personal stressors, including illness and even the passing of friends and family. And God knows that 2020 has been a complete dumpster fire. Fighting stress remains a constant battle. But with the onset of coronavirus, I decided to double-down on my "stress-loss" program, really focusing on what my body was telling me every day, and treating it as kindly as I could. I knew that the pandemic and lockdown would take its toll, so I wanted to make sure I was as mindful as possible.
The photograph on the above right was taken this morning. And while I definitely look older than this second picture, I think I look better. My skin looks better, my eyes are clearer. I'm even wearing colour — something that two years ago was a true rarity. Overall, I feel really good.
Friends, I share all of this because even though it’s taken over 18 months to do what I could to minimize the effects of stress, I really do believe that it’s possible to reverse the physical toll that stress often takes. So please, don't forget to take care of yourself, especially in light of today's world of loss, pandemic, social distancing, distance learning, racism, bigotry, and I could go on and on. In fact, self- care might be the best way to make it to the other side. I’d even go so far as to say that it’s an act of resistance to take care of yourself.
Really.
P.S. Incidently, Stasia’s Style School has recently opened its registration back up. Contrary to what its title sounds like, the course has little to do with fashion and trends, and far more with mindfully considering how you want to show up in the world, and shopping what you already own to reflect that choice. It’s a really revolutionary way to think of clothing, and I couldn’t recommend it more. And what better time to experiment with clothing than when you’re stuck at home, and can play with how you look without feeling to exposed and vulnerable?
P.P.S. Also, you know how much I love music, and I’ve created this playlist of some of my favourite activist music. I’ve found that it’s been a great encouragement in doing what I can to stay hopefully and determined. Enjoy.
a reminder of cadence.