love thursday: trust
A confession:
Sometimes I overthink things. I'm the woman who, when suffering from an unexpected headache, is convinced she's contracted a brain tumor (or believes a simple cough can only be consumption. Ahem). The woman who, when her husband is 20 minutes late, by the time he returns home 10 minutes later, she's already assumed the worst, figured out how she's going to inform his mother of the horrible, horrible news of his untimely death and has already wondered if giant poppies are in season, because he always loved giant poppies, and wouldn't they make a beautiful, beautiful funeral?
Yeah, I'm that woman. I'm not proud of it. And, I gotta tell ya, this economy? Is bringing. me. down.
But usually, when I whip myself up into these little tizzies, I try to be still for a moment. The truth is that while I do have an annoyingly overactive mind, I have a very intuitive heart. Some of the best decisions that I've ever made have occurred during times when all evidence indicated to the contrary. For example, by the time I'd met Marcus, it was very, very clear to me that I was not cut out for long term relationships, marriage, or anything related thereto. But I remember calling my friend Trish right after Marcus and I met, and telling her, "Girl, you KNOW what my love life is like. History tells me that this can only end in a fiery mushroom cloud. And yet? I feel like have no choice. I must see this through. I'm meant to see this through."
It's been almost 7 years, and so far so good: being with Marcus is one of the best decisions I ever made.
I had decided not to be a parent. "I'm too selfish," I told myself. "I like being spontaneous! Drop everything to jump on a plane and travel to faraway places at a moment's notice!" When Marcus and I married, we had no intention of having children. And yet, deep down, we knew -- I always knew -- that we should adopt. We were meant to adopt.
It's been almost 5 years, and so far, so good: having Alex in our lives is one of the best decisions we ever made.
And now? I decide to stop practicing law, even as the economy seems to be crashing down all around us. It's very scary -- my brain keeps telling me that perhaps I should figure out some way to practice law again, to find something more secure. But my heart?
My heart is telling me that I can't stop now. That good things are coming my way. That I just need to believe, to trust my instincts, to know myself, to keep working hard and have faith that it will all work out in the end, far beyond what I could ever imagine. I'm meant to live a more authentic life.
That following my heart is one of the best decisions I ever made.
* * * * * * *
Happy Love Thursday, all. Please leave the links to your stories or images of love in the comments below. Or in the alternative, feel free to share: what do you believe to be true, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Update: My friend Joshua just shared this link with me, entitled "Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy." Talk about some perspective! It's about 4 minutes long -- enjoy!
Song: We believe by Red Hot Chili Peppers